looks like we’ve made it
Reality TV junkies got a double dose of Norteast Florida in their eyeballs this past weekend. St. Augustine was the setting for episodes of not one, but two of the best (read: most intellectually bereft) reality shows on the boob tube, “Wife Swap” and “Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels,” both of which I happen to watch religiously.
On Friday night, the Silver Family of St. Augustine (pictured above) was featured for a second time on ABC’s “Wife Swap” (psychic Sheree Silver and her brood first appeared on the program in 2007, and were voted back by viewers to participate in a special swap for the show’s 100th episode). Sheree was sent to Colorado to spend two weeks with the Heenes, a family that consists of three poorly-behaved kids and their bi-polar father, a pseudo-scientist whose “inventions” appear to be an assortment of household items crudely taped together. And sparks flew — sparks and milk.
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a grown-ass man throw a glass of milk into a grown-ass woman’s face, but it’s incredibly hard to watch (which is why I rewound and watched it four times in a row). Richard Heene, a congenital dickhead, defied Sheree’s rule that the family forgo meat for a week by making ham sandwiches for his kids. When Sheree attempted to stand her ground by disposing of the sandwiches, Richard did what any man with a severe personality disorder would and doused Sheree with an entire glass of milk. Awkwaaaaard. Things were far more subdued on the St. Augustine side of the swap. Sam Silver’s manhood and coiffeur (I happen to like his curly mullet) were mocked, yet again.
Then on Sunday night on Vh1, former Poison frontman and current weave-wearer Bret Michaels brought his traveling harem (this season, he’s taken the show on the road, supposedly to find a girl who can handle the touring life) to St. Augustine’s Casa Monica Hotel (hope they boil the sheets) for the most star-studded episode to date. Heather, stripper extraordinaire and former “Rock of Love,” “Rock of Love Charm School” and “I Love Money” contestant, and Ambre, the chick who won Bret’s heart on “Rock of Love 2,” a relationship that lasted at least a couple of days, joined the rest of the gang in Northeast Florida to interview the remaining she-beast’s ex-boyfriends.
As per the usual routine, at the beginning of the episode, one of the girls read (yes, they can read) a note from Bret telling them where they’d be headed next. Either St. Augustine was written with a question mark after it or Brittanya had never heard of the place, because she read the note like, “… now you ladies are headed to the Nation’s oldest city — St. Aug-us-tine?” She even shrugged for emphasis. Once in St. Augustine, there was no sightseeing (Jamie, the most normal of the bunch, mentioned she thought it was the cutest little town and would have loved to look around), just good old fashioned bitch fighting at a four-star hotel. At the end of the episode, eliminations took place at what was obviously The Florida Theatre, but no mention was made of Jacksonville whatsoever.
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